


The Stars Are Gone

by Qpenguin98



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Asexual Character, Child Abuse, Depression, M/M, Suicide Attempt, gay boys being gay, i guess, i honestly couldve written this in the canon era and had two things change, melchior is nice, parents are mean, teachers are mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moritz just sort of laughs, eyes wide, because he doesn’t know what to say. He never planned to have this conversation with him, never planned for him to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Stars Are Gone

A nervous titter escapes his lips as Moritz stares at Melchior, shirt collar itching at his throat. He can’t bring himself to scratch at it, though, as Melchior goes into a _much_ too thorough explanation of the female body.

The thought of it makes him a little sick. The dreams never make him feel good like Melchior explains, just, uncomfortable with himself. If he’s being honest, he wants no part of it. He doesn’t want to want like that, and he doesn’t want to touch or be touched like that. Not by himself. Not by anyone.

“Okay, let me show you something.” Melchior scoots closer to him on the bed and gets behind him.

“Wh- what are you doing?”

“Teaching,” he says in this voice that flips on a faint buzzing in the back of Moritz’s mind. Hands rest on top of his own and drag them down his chest with finesse. It doesn’t feel great, but there’s a nice fuzzy feeling that comes from the fact that Melchior is kind of second hand kind of first hand touching him like he’s the best thing in the world.

And then he dips lower, past his ribs, past his belly button, down to his hips and things get just a little too real and he jumps.

Melchior’s hands draw back, no doubt confused.

“Moritz?”

Definitely confused.

“It’s not that I don’t… wouldn’t.. ha-haven’t thought,” he stammers out, turning around to face him directly. He doesn’t meet his eyes, focusing on the faded pattern of his t-shirt. “That I don’t want to… with you, not with you not-”

“Breathe.”

He draws in a shaky breath, meets Melchior’s eyes, and abruptly stands.

“I have to go,” he says.

He can hear his name called but doesn’t acknowledge it as he jogs down the stairs and out the door.

\---

He shouldn’t have. He definitely shouldn’t have snuck into her office after school. But now he knows his grade.

“Melchi,” he says, running up to him. “I passed! I actually passed!”

Melchior’s eyes go wide, and his mouth flips into a smile. “That’s awesome! I knew you could do it.”

His arms wrap around Moritz, and he can feel himself melting into the hug. Arms go a little like jelly as he returns the sentiment.

“I’m proud,” he hears in his ear, and the sheer fact that it’s Melchior saying it makes his heart swell up and his eyes prick wet.

“Thank you,” he says so quietly he can barely hear it. But Melchior knows. And that’s good enough for Moritz.

\---

“Moritz Stiefel, if I may have a word with you after class.”

His stomach drops. This teacher doesn’t like him. He gets so confused in math. But he knows he passed, so there’s no reason she should be wanting to talk with him after class. Even if he didn’t pass, she wouldn’t just pull him aside to tell him that, would she? She can’t hate him that much. But what if she hates him so much as to purposefully fail him, enter in a different grade on the computer than what she put on the test. Teachers don’t so that, though. They have standards. It’s just a myth, right? Never actually true right? She can’t just-

“You okay?”

“Wha-? Yeah, yeah I’m good. Just overthinking, heh.”

“Moritz, you’re a bad liar.”

“Youuuu got me!” He puts his hands up in mock submission, and then the bell rings.

“Do you want me to stay back with you?” He looks very serious and Moritz can’t stand it.

“No, that’s alright. You go to class. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it can’t be anything that big, right?”

Melchior has this look, but he nods and leaves anyway. Moritz almost wishes he would’ve stayed.

“Now Moritz, I’m sure you have an idea of why I’ve kept you.”

He does. And he hopes so hard he’s wrong. Instead of answering, he just nods.

“It’s about your final. I’m sure you saw this coming, but you didn’t pass, and your grade is so low that you can’t pass the class. Do you understand?”

He think he nods. Probably, that’s what autopilot always has him do.

“I’m very sorry, Moritz. Really, I am.”

He says that it’s alright, that he understands, and asks for a pass to his next class.

He doesn’t even try to go, just walks out of the building.

Might as well get telling his father he failed a class over with.

\---

He walks to Melchior’s with bruises on his face and a gun in his bag. A scarf and a hat cover the darkest ones. The phone in his pocket keeps buzzing, messages from Melchior, the ones he bothered to read asking if he was coming to class, that he was going home, that if he needed to come over please do, if you need to just call please do, please Moritz are you okay.

He doesn’t knock, never knocks anymore, just walks up to Melchior’s room.

There’s a second of hesitation as he stands in front of the closed door, hand above the handle. And then it swings open.

“You’re okay,” comes out rushed and disjointed before it stops. Melchior’s hands hover in front of his face. Moritz flinched. He’s never flinched before. Not from Melchior. He keeps that twitch under control. Because Melchior is safe and Melchior is home and Melchior would never hit him. And now Moritz has gone and fucked it all up by _flinching_ goddammi-

“He hit you.”

Moritz just sort of laughs, eyes wide, because he doesn’t know what to say. He never planned to have this conversation with him, never planned for him to find out.

“Why are you laughing?” It’s the first time he’s ever questioned one of Moritz’s ticks.

“Not the first time.”

It takes a second for either of them to realize what’s been said. Moritz’s face goes expressionless while Melchior’s flips between surprised and enraged.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Never came up.”

“Yes it did! I definitely asked you at least three times something that would have jump started that conversation. You just didn’t want me to know. This is imp-”

Moritz is kissing him and it is good and sweet and he’s finally managed to stun Melchior into silence. The kiss is good, and maybe Melchior starts to kiss him back, but Moritz has a death wish to fulfil, and this was the last thing on the bucket list.

“I’m sorry,” he says very quietly when he pulls back.

And then he runs out of Melchior Gabor’s home.

\---

The gun is cold and heavy in his hands. Sitting by the river, he flips the metal between his hands. If all else fails, he can always just throw himself in the water.

“The stars are gone,” he says to no one in particular. “And now everything is so, so dark.”

He cocks the gun.

“So dark.”

Places it in his mouth.

So

“Moritz!”

No.

No no no.

He’s not meant to see this.

The gun is pulled from his hands and thrown some distance away, and now his hands are empty and he doesn’t know what to do with them. The fingers curl and tingle and he doesn’t know how to function anymore.

Blue screen.

There is no more Moritz Stiefel, there is only static please try to reconnect.

Check your connection please.

Call 1-800-466-2929.

Please try again-

There’s lips on his and hands on his shoulders digging into his skin and eyes closed in front of him.

He takes a shuddery breath and shakes his head.

Shakes it again.

His face feels wet.

He starts bawling on Melchior and his face is scrunched up and ugly and pressed against his sweater.

There’s apologies falling from his mouth and Melchior shushes him and holds him close. A why comes out as the first question and Moritz’s answer is a stunning, so very eloquent, “Why not.”

And then he breaks and talks and stutters over words about his disconnectedness from the world and his father and the bruises and how he really really hates sex and it’s so uncomfortable and how Melchior is the only one he’s really comfortable with touching him in any sort of way, just not sexual he’s so sorry he knows Melchi wants that he knows and he can’t give it to him and how he’d finally accomplished something good in his life and he was going to pass and she just took it away because she hates him but he can’t hate her because if he were a teacher he would fail himself too. His father hates him his teachers hates him he wouldn’t be surprised if Melchior hated him by now too. God Melchi he’s so sorry please forgive him please please I’m so sorry please forgive me.

Melchior pulls the both of them up, wraps Moritz’s arm around his shoulder and puts his own arm sound his waist, just for some semblance of closeness and support.

“I don’t hate you,” he says on the way back, once Moritz has stopped crying and sniffling and finally lets himself lean on Melchior.

“I could never hate you. You’re much too good for me. And besides, you’re my best friend, and that comes first before anything else.”

And he nods and takes the pajamas he’s offered once at Melchior’s. He lets himself be shuffled into bed and lets the lights go out and snuggles up next to Melchior in his bed and tries to sleep.

A small thank you escapes his lips before he falls asleep and he swears he can feel Melchior’s smile on his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i got very into spring awakening and more importantly moritz like oh my god give this kid a hug


End file.
